YakTrax-less in Bermtopia

I am blowing through YakTrax at the feverish pace of about one a week. And that's not a good thing considering they really work best as a pair.

And what are Yak Trax, you ask? Simply the most wonderful snow navigation system known to man (and woman). They are, basically, a pair of tire chains for your shoes. Approximately 11 inches of rubber and coiled steel (guaranteed not to rust!) designed to keep one upright and ambulatory on snow-packed streets and sidewalks. And I am managing to lose one a week.

And, unfortunately, the one-YakTrax approach does not work as I sadly learned today as I went ass-over-teakettle in front of three neighbors snow-blowing their driveways this morning. If I've said it once, I'll say it again: It's hard to be glamorous in Bermtopia this time of year.

Here's how you lose a YakTrax in 6 simple steps:

1. Prepare to take the dog for his morning walk in approximately 4 inches of snow: Fat Bastard, check; hat and gloves, check; poop bags, check; YakTrax, check. Ensure YakTrax are securely attached to boots, check, check and double check.

2. Proceed with walk, rejoicing in the crunchy security of each YakTrax step. Stop several times and inventory your YakTrax. Left foot, present and accounted for. Right foot, present and accounted for. Onward and upward!

3. Two blocks later, realize you're listing slightly to the left. WTF?!!? Where'd that G-D gizmo go?

4. Re-trace steps, cleverly (or so you think) following your tracks -- one with the distinctive YakTrax impression, the other a naked, soul-less blur in the snow -- thinking you'll find the errant YakTrax. That is, until arriving at a stretch of sidewalk that has just been snow-blown.

Damn.

5. Look around nervously for the potentially furious sidewalk owner whose snow-blowing rig has just been completely trashed by a funny-looking rubber-and-steel thing inadvertently scooped up in the snow-clearing process.

6. Surreptitiously slink home with the dog, still listing slightly to the left.

There is, I am happy to report, a solution to the Disappearing-YakTrax Dilemma. It's an uber version of YakTrax -- the YakTrax Pro. It's equipped with all kinds of straps and whatnot to keep those little beasties securely attached to your feet. You'd basically need to gnaw your foot off at the ankle to lose a YakTrax Pro. Which I will probably take a pass on.

So that's what I'm doing today. Sliding on down to REI and getting me some YakTrax Pro love.

Then, winter. Bring it.