Monday, May 14, 2012

Uneasy lies the head that wears the crown

I have a new dentist. A young dentist.

A young dentist who knows NEW THINGS in dentistry.

As a result, after our first meet-and-greet about a month ago, I had "New crown" and "Skin? gum? [no matter what - ugh] graft" scored onto my oral hygiene dance card. Crap.

At that very moment, I REALLY missed my old dentist, Dr. O. The dude who would look at cracks in a tooth (the offender who now needs a crown), do an age check, then pat me on the shoulder and say, in that familiar basso voice, "You know,  as long as it's not bothering you, we'll just keep an eye on it."

The dude who did Gum Goodness Tests, did an age check and said, "Looks good for now."

Funny how your mouth looks through a new, younger lens.

Which brings me to today -- Stage 1 in the Bermtopia Crown Affair.

A flash back: 1977 -- Newlywed Mrs. B vs. University of Colorado. We were young, footloose, care-free with nominal dental insurance. I got "accepted" into the program because I needed some fillings and crowns that dental students could manage. 

Three years later, I "graduated" -- but not before one crown my earnest dental student had been working on for some 2 months got sucked away into oblivion by a well-meaning student dental assistant. 

And we were back to square one.

That's the reason it takes many years to "graduate" from a university dental school program.

But, on the bright side, I've been told by numerous dental professionals, my dental work Courtesy of U of Colorado will survive Armageddon, the Rapture and the Mayan End of the World. And maybe a wicked piece of salt water taffy.

Coming soon to a theater near you.

OK. Where was I?

News flash. You'll be happy to know I have survived Round 1. Aside from drooling uncontrollably and talking with my tongue hanging out of the left side of mouth while the local anesthetic wore this evening. Seriously.

The drooling? That was just plain embarrassing. It's been going on and on and on.

The tongue thing? IIth threallthy hard to thalkt thsenthibly. Tho Ith wethn to The FTHaarm to planth thomathoes andth eggthplthant.

Here's to the Bermtopia Crown Affair -- stage 1:

Cue "Windmills of Your Mind." (Cheesiest YouTube vid ever)

What ever happen to Noel Harrison? I had such a crush on him.

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