Tuesday, July 16, 2013

The news from When Pigs Fly Farm 3.0

July feels like the Awkward Adolescent Month of vegetable gardening.

The cold-weather veggies -- lettuces, radishes, beets et al -- have been harvested and/or gone to seed. I have finally accepted my carrots' chronic under-performance and now bill them as "delicious baby carrots" even though they are 3 1/2 months old. . . or about 105 in carrot years.

Perhaps the package really said "Owen Meany" instead of "Little Finger"?

The stars of the Big Show -- beans, cukes, summer squash and tomatoes -- are stirring and beginning to make a run for it. Well, I did have to have A Little Chat with my growing-from-seed lemon cucumbers and introduce a couple store-bought starts for motivation.

And my pumpkins are rolling.

What's that? Why, yes, I said pumpkins. I am giving pumpkins another whirl.

Perhaps you remember my last foray into pumpkins. It was a thrilling tale -- full of bold land grabs, grisly amputations, tender ministrations and horticultural triumph over self-inflicted adversity.

I had you at "grisly amputations," right?

It was so much fun, I thought "Why not do it again? This time from seed?" and so I planted two mounds of pumpkin seeds, watched as a little colony of starts appeared, selected the most robust seedlings and pared things down to two "power pumpkins."

Darwin would be so proud.

Turns out robust is an understatement when it comes to pumpkins. And I think Darwin would be faintly alarmed.

Pretty much anything on a south-by-southwesterly path of The Boys should be.
Darwin: Faintly alarmed.

A moment of silence for three fallen WPFF comrade-ettes. Yes, we have lost three members of Team Chicken-- victims of a heinous raccoon attack about 10 days ago. Our two surviving ladies have been moved into a witness protection program till further notice. They are missed at The Farm.

Raccoons. Bastards. Do not be charmed by these critters' whimsical Lone Ranger masks and adorable little ET-phone-home forepaws.

They are sick, twisted opportunistic urban scavengers and not shy about taking apart a hen house, your family cat or the household trash can with equal, methodical equanimity.

I think custom WPFF 'coon skin caps are a totally dope idea for the holidays (already have the label: Genuine When Pigs Fly Farm 'Coon Skin Cap: We Trap 'Em and Cap 'Em!), but Farmer Sam and Farma-natrix Kate are weighing the humane trap-and-relocate to hell idea.

I think that's an admirable idea.

(But about those 'coon skin caps? Now taking orders.)

1 comment:

  1. What a hilarious post! Best appreciated by the rest of us struggling home gardeners. Sometimes I ask myself: "Why do I even try?" - Because that little patch of earth calls to me to plant a seed and see it morph - one way or another. Secretly, it's a reason for me to move around and feel needed.