Literary agents 1 - Bermtopia 0

Facing a slew of family issues and a wild start to fall quarter at the community colleges where I work, submitting my children's book, "Go AWAY, Kingston!" has been pushed to the back of the book shelf for the time being.

But on a bright spot, I got my first first rejection! I am now officially a rejected unpublished children's book author. Huzzah!

Thank you very much for telling me about your children's book. But I don't think this sounds different or unusual enough to stand out in the very competitive picture book market right now.

I do appreciate your contacting our agency.  And I send my good wishes. 

So here's the funny thing about this. He didn't read the manuscript. He only wanted a query letter describing the picture book.


Now, I may be over-simplifying here just a little (and maybe it was a piss-poor query letter), but I think most children's picture books follow a couple basic plot lines:

1. Little kid / critter takes off in search of Adventure, meets interesting Characters, has A Lively Time and returns home Happier and/or Wiser.

2. Little kid / critter goes off and encounters Something / Someone Unexpected, has A Lively Time and returns home Happier and/or Wiser.

3. PRECOCIOUS little kid / critter etc. etc. etc.

An aside: Isn't it amazing the seeming lack of adult supervision in children's picture books, allowing little kids and critters to wander off all the time? Scandalous!

Anyway. I think you get the picture.

I humbly submit that it is words and images, not plot lines, that largely (operative word, largely) distinguish children's books "in the very competitive children's book market right now." And yes, I fully acknowledge and agree, complex, unique plot becomes more and more important as readers mature. I just wish my friend above had taken the time read the 350-word manuscript I have in my hot little hand.

Disappointed? Not really. I have been a pragmatist my whole life. This is not an easy process and the odds working against "Go AWAY, Kingston!" are far greater than the ones for working it. But lesson learned. In the future, I will stick with agents who want to actually read a manuscript. It just seems to make more sense.

In the meantime. . . .

I do appreciate your contacting my blog.  And I send my good wishes.


 
Have a great week.

September 1

Sept. 1, 2011

Dear *insert literary agent name here*:

My name is Benjamin Maxwell H. I am an Australian shepherd mix living in Bermtopia USA.

I believe I have A Story To Be Told.

As (I hope) you know, herding dogs like myself possess k.e.e.n. i.n.t.e.l.l.i.g.e.n.c.e. That's how I am able to telekinetically write this letter to you today. But despite my k.e.e.n. i.n.t.e.l.l.i.g.e.n.c.e. -- and many other outstanding personal and professional attributes -- I have A Problem.

It is my neighbor, Kingston. He is a cat. He is A Cat Who Knows No Boundaries. Whenever I'm outside, he comes over to visit. He will not GO AWAY. . . no matter what I do. It is most unsettling.

I think if the world knew of  my plight

Measures. Would. Be. Taken.

and I could go back to doing what I do best: Herding squirrels and biting bugs. Without Kingston.

Please help me tell my story.

If this sounds like a mission you'd like to accept, it probably would be best to contact my Two-legged Missus. She handles most of my business affairs because she has o.p.p.o.s.a.b.l.e. t.h.u.m.b.s. Well, she does this when she's not at work (I think it has something to do with Higher Education and m.a.r.k.e.t.i.n.g.), blogging and ignoring my best efforts to play soccer while she's gardening.

Nevertheless, the Two-legged Missus is a A Good Egg. You can call us, e-mail us or write to us. 

(On second thought, please write to us. Then I can bark at the mail carrier!)

I cannot emphasize how dire my situation is with this b.l.a.s.t.e.d. cat across the street. Something must be done! And soon.

Telling the world is the first step. Will you help me?

Most sincerely yours,

Benjamin Maxwell H. (but you can call me Ben)

###

And so it begins. On September 1, Ben and I start trotting out our children's picture book, "Go AWAY, Kingston!" to a list of literary agents that I've compiled over the summer. Our goal is one letter a week.

A gal and her dog can only take so much rejection, you know.

But Ben and I are kind of excited too. I expect we'll learn a lot -- a build up a fair amount of fodder for future blogs along the way.

Oh yes, I wouldn't dream of denying you an ongoing  up-close-and-personal look at How Not to Get Published. So fasten your cyber seatbelts. It's going to be some kind of ride.

 September 1, here we come!