"Fritterpated" OR why I'm late getting to work in the summer

I’m proud to say I’ve taken the art of frittering away the morning hours to a a whole new level this summer. It’s easy. You can do it too. Just follow these simple steps:

Step 1: Wake up at 6 a.m., shower, check blog, take vitamins, sip coffee and eat two pieces of toast with raspberry jam while reading the paper.

Step 2: Empty the dishwasher. Load the dishwasher.

Step 3: Head out to walk the dog but stop to conduct a 10-minute in-depth analysis of the Lincoln Street re-paving project with neighbor Darrell. (Paving starts today! Storm water planters-watch out drunk drivers!)

Step 4: Add a couple extra blocks to the walk because it’s so frickin’ gorgeous out and you could use the exercise and because January is right around the corner.

Step 5: Arrive home, give the dog some love and feed him.

Step 6: Check Facebook. Toss off a couple witty post.

Step 7: Hand water the Japanese eggplant. tomatoes, flower pots and other random spots in the backyard that the sprinkler never quite reaches.

Step 8: Curse your “Tigerella” heirloom tomato plant for its continued outbreak of blossom rot. It’s almost the end of the July and NOT A SINGLE tomato. Urggggh.

Step 9: Give your chronically underachieving, and now insect-infected, basil plants the stink-eye. Issue the following warning: "How do y'all feel about compost piles?” Mental note: Contrary to previous blog, store-bought basil isn’t THAT bad.

Step 10: Dead head the petunias and day lilies and pull a couple of weeds while you’re at it.

Step 11: Harvest the first of our small crop of raspberries. Man up and leave a few for the Wonderfully Patient Spouse's cereal.

Step 12: Now inside, begin assembling the most kick-ass salad ever for lunch, and then realize you’ve been a bad indoor plant mama because you haven’t watered the ficus and palm in, say, about 4 months.

Step 13: Water the ficus and palm.

Step 14: Finish that kick-ass salad and throw in some carrot sticks to boot.

Step 16: Check e-mail. Delete a half-dozen messages from moveon.org, Crate and Barrel, Metropolitan Museum of Art, Urban Outfitters and Sur La Table.

Step 17: Now finally realize you have a little less than 3 minutes if you really want to be at work by 8:30.

See? Frittering 101.

Easy.

Peasy.