Poop bags

Sadly (or not, depending on your point of view), I am not above examining scatologically related topics from time to time. And as a daily walker of a dog, I attach significant magnitude to the topic of poop bags.

Poop bag technology in our household has evolved significantly since Ben was a puppy. In the early days, we simply used plastic grocery bags. (Side note: The first few weeks Ben and I started walking at Comstock Park, I dutifully carried a plastic bag and a garden shovel to the park. What a nerd.)

In recent years, good stewards of the environment that we are, we have switched over to the bio-degradable poop bags available at REI. They’re made of corn! Who knew?

Anyway, REI poop bags are great. Lightweight. Easy to open. Perfect glove-like fit for scooping up deposits. And a little white bar that helps differentiate top from bottom. What’s not to love about this product?

The answer – everything. My life is so simple.

So imagine, then, my utter confusion and dismay upon discovering a NEW type of poop bag in the poop bag drawer a few mornings back. The Wonderfully Patient Spouse had stopped by Petco for a re-supply and it was the only product available

“They’re flushable,” he pointed out.

Now, really, who flushes their dog’s daily deposits down the home toilet? No one in my small corner of the universe, I assure you.

After working our way through a couple of rolls, the WPS and I both agree – the bags suck. First, it takes about 5 hours to open one bag. Not handiest of features as a neighbor stares stonily out his front window, waiting for you to do damage control on his front lawn. Second, they have an odd gummy consistency that makes it difficult to achieve a smooth, even pull up around your pup’s scooped-up poop. And finally, this strange rubbery consistency, combined with the bag’s truly amazing shade of blue, makes it difficult to know whether you’ve got the top, bottom or side of the bag, leaving you no choice but to start swinging it around like a little blue piece of pizza dough till the bag puckers open.

Change is hard. Using flushable Petco poop bags even harder. Bring back my REI poop bags, please. Thank you for listening.