|I live by the Rules of Two.|
Please, please, PLEASE, won't you?
The world would be such a happier place.
Most of the time.
He is a deep thinker, our Ben. And so, without further ado, here are Ben's Rules of Two:
1. Two walks, two treats, one meal a day. Dog food dish available for at least two grazing pass-bys, usually mid-day and early evening.
2. Two poop bags per walk. You can never be too prepared . . .
3. At least two "lane changes" per city block. Two back-tracks also are allowed as are two breaks for a scratch and rocket check.
4. Two balls. The minimum required for daily recreation; three or more preferred. Significantly reduces the down time between throws. Snow balls don't count.
5. Two hours: The maximum time we are allowed away from home. This presents a slight logistical problem as it relates to professional pursuits -- and trips to New York City. Our failure to comply with this rule is probably Ben's greatest source of disappointment in us.
Along the same lines. . .
7. Two people. Three or more people becomes much to difficult to keep track of in a house -- unless they are jammed in the dining room or backyard for A Get-together. Then a crowd is okay, even preferred. More scratches on the shoulders and the off chance someone might spill.
8. Two squirrels. The minimum quota required to elevate a Good Walk to Sublime Walk.
9. At LEAST two sleeping options per room. How else does a dog position himself to detect Evil Doings in the Neighborhood otherwise?
10. And, finally, zero (0) cats. They are useless, but sinister creatures who should be confined indoors on pillows on their living room sofas. Period.
|Cat: Good luck with that one. |