Thursday, June 23, 2011

My 40th high school reunion RSVP

Last month, in a moment of weakness (No, make that a moment of gratitude for helping me move my mom into a new apartment. Don't ask.), I promised DZ, my best friend from grade school and high school, that I'd make an appearance at our 40th high school class reunion in September.

I went to Marycrest High School in PDX, an all-girl's Catholic school (which explains my painfully good manners, expert grammar and punctuation, and marginal lack of respect for authority).

The campus is now a chiropractic college.

There were about 55 ladies in my graduating class. And since a number are still concentrated in the Portland area, many have stayed in pretty close contact over the years (I mean, they've reactivated The Allegras, the school choral group, for pete's sake!)

Me, I've been a little bit of a black sheep and dodged past Marycrest reunions. It's just that when I grabbed that high school diploma, I was ready to get out of the Rose City for awhile. I went to college out of state (here in Bermtopia as a matter of fact), met the Wonderfully Patient Spouse, got married and kept moving.

But, I'm back now. And it's time to check in with Marycrest High School's Class of 1971:

Here's my RSVP (well, ok, the unedited version):

Dear Lindie:

Of course I would love, love LOVE to attend our 40th high school reunion! Count me in.

The liposuction and nose job are scheduled for next week and the doctor, darling man!, swears the swelling and bruising will be gone by September. I'm holding him to it or there will be 20 lashes with a wet noodle.

Don't make me go there, Doctor Bob, ok?

[Translation: Cripes! Is it too late to grab a spot on "The Biggest Loser"?]

I'm trying to talk The Trophy Husband into coming along just for giggles, but we have this long-standing "thing" with the Grimaldis in Monaco the last weekend in September that may be difficult to wiggle out of. Oh, it's just a silly baccarat tournament, but those Grimaldi boys do love their cards. The Trophy Husband and I may have to split the difference on this one. Fingers crossed *heart*, but I'll keep you posted!

[Translation: The Wonderfully Patient Spouse took a look at the invitation and observed it might be a good weekend for fishing on the St. Joe.]

It was so sweet of you to ask about special dietary needs! Right now, I'm trying this FABULOUS anti-aging microbiotic diet of red algae, quinoa and fava beans for three weeks, followed by a 24-hour vodka flush. I can't speak to the anti-aging component quite yet, but my toenails have never looked better. Anyhoo, if you'd mention the red algae thing to Edgefield (Japanese organic if possible, please), I'd be eternally grateful! You are SO sweet!!!

[Translation: Beer-battered onion rings, STAT! and keep 'em coming, baby.]

Oh, one more heads-up. I may be traveling with my Irish wolfhounds, Giles and Amanda. But only, ONLY, if the Mary Kay Career Car is back from Torino by then. (No one but the Italians can get that shade of pink quite right!)

Those rascal pups. They simply won't travel in anything else! Spoiled dogs!!!!

[Translation: Think I might drive down in the Element. I feel a trip to IKEA in my future. Shhh. Don't tell the WPS!]

But, Lindie, I do hate to be a niggler. Even though Giles is quite happy with his rasher of fresh bunnies for brekkie. . . Amanda usually insists on a stag hunt in the morning. Do you think Edgefield might accommodate?


I supposed we have rather overindulged the dogs since the boys went to prison last fall. I knew the Madoffs were going to be trouble from the start. But you know kids -- they never listen to their parents.

Come to think of it, neither do Giles nor Amanda. What's a mother to do?

[Translation: Sorry. None of this is remotely true. We have neither a Mary Kay Career Car, Irish wolfhounds, know the Madoffs, nor boys in prison. Boo-yah!]

Whew! I think that's about it. I am completely breathless in anticipation for our little get-together!!!!! And thanks so much for organizing all this. You must have a HUGE staff!!!!!!

Till then!!!!!! -- toodles till September!!!!!


[Translation: What the hell did I get myself into?]



  1. BOL the best laugh of the day!

    now i know where you get all that sweetness, profound humility and respect for authority from :p

    try to have a good weekend. hope the lipo is a success. i hear colonic irrigation is quite good too.

  2. Can I borrow this for my huge milestone high school reunion coming up this year? They'd be so flippin confused. :)

  3. Absolutely. As long as it's not like, say, your 10th. That would make me feel